“Sit with the feelings.”
It sounds simple enough.
However, if a therapist has ever said this to you, you may have thought, Okay…but what am I actually supposed to do?
Sitting with feelings does not mean staring at the wall while feeling miserable. It also does not mean letting an emotion take over your entire day. Instead, sitting with a feeling means allowing yourself to notice and experience an emotion without immediately trying to escape it, fix it, judge it, or make it disappear.
Most of Us Learn to Do the Opposite
When uncomfortable emotions show up, many of us automatically look for a way out.
For example, we may distract ourselves, scroll on our phones, stay busy, overthink, or find something else to focus on. At other times, we may convince ourselves that we should not feel the way we feel. In addition, some people try to solve an emotion as though it were a problem that needs an immediate answer.
However, emotions do not always need solutions.
Sometimes they simply need space.
For instance, sadness may need acknowledgment. Anxiety may need room to exist without immediately becoming an emergency. Similarly, anger may need curiosity before action.
Sitting With a Feeling Starts With Noticing It
First, try naming what you notice.
“I feel anxious.”
“I feel disappointed.”
“I feel embarrassed.”
“I feel angry.”
Next, pay attention to what happens in your body. Your chest may feel tight, your stomach may feel unsettled, or your shoulders may tense. You may also notice an urge to leave the situation, distract yourself, or react quickly.
Rather than analyzing specific feelings, try observing it with curiosity.
You might tell yourself, “I can feel this without fixing it right now.”
Over time, that small shift can create more space between experiencing an emotion and automatically reacting to it.
Acceptance Does Not Mean You Like the Feeling
People sometimes hear the word acceptance and assume it means approval.
However, acceptance does not mean you have to like what you feel.
For example, you can accept that anxiety has shown up without wanting to feel anxious. Likewise, you can acknowledge sadness without deciding that you want to stay sad. You can also recognize anger without acting on every angry impulse.
Instead, acceptance simply means recognizing what already exists in the present moment.
In fact, fighting feelings can sometimes give it even more attention. On the other hand, allowing the emotion to exist may help you move through it more naturally.
You Can Be Curious Instead of Critical
Rather than judging yourself for having an uncomfortable emotion, try approaching it with curiosity.
You might ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Where do I notice it in my body?
What might this feeling be asking me to pay attention to?
Afterward, give yourself time to notice what comes up without demanding an immediate answer.
Importantly, you do not have to understand every emotion perfectly. Instead, the goal may simply involve learning that you can experience discomfort without letting it determine what you do next.
Sitting With a Feeling Does Not Mean Staying Stuck
It is also important to remember that sitting with a feeling does not mean staying in distress forever.
Rather, it means allowing yourself to experience an emotion long enough to understand it before deciding how you want to respond. Once you notice what is happening internally, you can choose your next step more intentionally.
For example, you may decide to take a break, set a boundary, have a difficult conversation, or simply give yourself time to recover. In other situations, you may realize that the feeling will pass without requiring you to do anything at all.
Ultimately, the goal is not to let emotions control you. Instead, the goal is to become more comfortable experiencing them without immediately needing to escape them.
Therapy Can Help You Build a Different Relationship With Your Emotions
Learning to sit with difficult emotions takes practice, especially if you have spent years avoiding, suppressing, or judging them.
Fortunately, you do not have to figure it out alone.
At Open Door Therapy Group, our therapists can help you understand your emotional patterns, develop greater awareness, and learn healthier ways to respond when uncomfortable feelings show up.
You do not have to eliminate difficult emotions to live a meaningful life. Sometimes, the first step involves learning that you can make room for them without allowing them to take over.
Contact Open Door Therapy Group when you are ready.